I have had this recurrent thought in my head for almost 4 years. Spoke of it a few times with my husband and a really good friend. We had talks about our experiences in the past and how it made us who we are today, you know the rest. I didn't care, still don't care. I was angry with myself for making ignorant choices, kicking myself in the rear for even thinking for a minute that I knew it all. How little I knew. How little I knew . Repeat, repeat repeat. How I wish I could go back..whisper in my ear on so many occasions... "it doesn't matter". My babies....they matter. Oh my gosh, do they ever. I know some people say there really is no right time and you never really know when to start "planning" for a child, but I did. I wanted motherhood with all of my being. Hubby desired to be married a year before bringing a child in the world. I somehow convinced him that "technically" with 9 months of pregnancy it would be a year. I won that one. The second I found out Carter was growing in me something just clicked. I didn't have to wait till his birthday to fall head over heals in love with our child, it was instant. I wanted this child more than I wanted life itself. The day he was placed in my arms was the day I became born again. Him a child, I as his mother. I live for these boys of mine. Breathe, eat, sleep, work...its all in the names of Carter and Keagan. My world. I thank my husband from the bottom of my heart for these children.. And God...I am forever indebted. So this little snapshot that was floating around on Facebook struck me hard. I am glad I am not the only one who has had this thought. I promise you boys...as long as I am living, I will live for you.
